WHAT CASTE IS AN ELAPHANT?

WHAT IS THE SUB CASTE OF AN ELEPHANT?

Last evening the Food and Drug Administration[FDA] issued an order that may have fatal consequences for the faint hearted.

WHAT IS THE SUB CASTE OF AN ELEPHANT?

We know that a stent is used to ‘ decongest’ a heart blockage that if not attended to can be fatal. Till recently no one talked about it as anything other than a life saving device. Hospitals kept stocks of stents for use in emergency situations. The dealers would send consignments to hospitals without insisting on immediate payment. The hospitals would pay the dealer when the stent was actually used .For us this seems a sensible course of action but the FDA has other ideas. This august institution has thrown the rule book at the trade and re- stated that a stent was a ‘drug’ and as such a hospital ought to pay the dealer immediately on acquiring the stents , maintain papers and records and not wait till a patient arrives .

Now the question that ought to worry us is this—what happens if a loved one is rushed to a hospital at midnight, the doctor says a stent is urgently needed and the hospital has no stocks of that life saving thing? As usual we have nothing to do except say ‘Inshallah’ or ‘Ram bharose ‘ or ’Lord have mercy’ and wait till next day [assuming it is not one of our numerous holidays]when the dealer can be contacted, paid for and a stent acquired. What if the patient dies meanwhile ? That’s not our problem. Rules are paramount.

What is it about rules that paralyses our thought processes? Take another example. A certain subject was so critical that it had to be referred to the Supreme Court. The grave issue—is adrak[Ginger] a spice or a vegetable?.

In a similar vein there was this dispute whether a tomato was a fruit or a vegetable. Here is what an expert said ‘Tomato is a fruit—that is knowledge .Not to use it in a fruit salad is wisdom.’

Perhaps the most hilarious case of hair splitting occurred a few decades ago when authorities of a temple in Tamilnadu[that major source of accountants, auditors and lawyers] had a major controversy on their hands. What sub- caste mark to apply on the forehead of the official elephant—the ‘U’ of vadagalai sub caste of ‘Y ‘of tengalai sub-caste! The matter made its decades long tortuous way to the Supreme Court .My father said that he asked the mahout for his opinion. What he –an unlettered man-had to say ought to have shamed the people involved and elevated the mahout and the elephant to lofty heights. A Tamilian wag[and Tamilians are gifted satirists thanks to state politics ] tells me that elephants have for millions of years been shaking their heads in sheer disgust at man’s folly! Unfortunately with its big ears it cannot avoid listening to what human beings talk!

A tragic example of our rule obsession gone awry was when a man developed a heart attack on the bridge connecting the Western section of Mumbai’s suburban railway to the Central section at Dadar station. A do – gooder ran to inform the railway ‘Authorities’ about this emergency. Two officials , one each from the two railways walked up to the now fallen and unconscious man. What ensued was a story worthy of a documentary that might win awards at any Human Rights convention. The 2 officials engaged in a debate as to whose responsibility it was to take the man to a hospital .To determine this one had to be certain in which half of the bridge that man had fallen—the western half or central half. After a fierce debate – what we call a turf war—to in effect pass the buck one of them accepted that he would do the ‘favour’ and take the patient to a hospital .Only to be told by the doctor that it was too late. Had he been brought a fifteen minutes earlier he might have been saved .

Have you noticed this phenomenon especially if you work in a government office--the guy who knows the Travelling allowance and other rules walks around with a snooty look on his face. The kind you associate with a camel. I am sure you have seen that supercilious air about people who are said the be ‘ authorities’. I asked my friend Mohamedally if he could explain this look. He said ‘Allah has a thousand names. Mankind knows only 999 of these names. Only the camel knows the thousandth name. Hence he is entitled to that superior look!?’

In India the man who knows the rules is most sought after and is deemed to be an ‘authority’. And the guy who knows how to bend rules is known as…

K.R.RAVI

WWW.KRRAVI.COM