The tip of the iceberg melts

That, marriage has become tumultuous, for Indian men, is no longer a hidden fact as evident from the huge media coverage given to men’s rights activists recently. And the myth about marriage, as projected in Indian context – “Blissful for men and torturous for women” – is coming to its logical end with the rise of men’s rights organizations like the Save Indian Family Foundation, the All India Men’s Welfare Association, etc.

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A lot of false propaganda had been done by radical gender based extremists about women facing problems in marriage to the tune that unconstitutional and anti-male laws have been framed to finish off men systematically. And because male-disposability comes natural to the society these whimsical stories about men as oppressors and women as oppressed were never challenged.

This led to severe problems of men and they were under-reported as well because the society was not ready to accept men as weak otherwise who would risk their lives to protect the society. Every man on earth has faced this bias at some point of his life and he is trained to accept it as a way of life.

As a result male suicides increased a lot and at the same time the society holding men responsible for everything increased their expectations from them. One of the worst expectations was the PRIMARY FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY the severity of which often goes under-reported. Men think it’s their duty and tolerate the abuse therein. And divorce proceedings are the worse that a man has to go through in India.

In addition to facing the mental stress, a man has to fight several false cases in multiple jurisdictions, pay maintenance and alimony to estranged wives who leave no stone unturned in ruining the reputation of the man by spreading false rumors about him. And the most unnoticed abuse of men is the financial abuse wherein invariably men are forced to pay hefty alimony irrespective of wife’s fault.

But one such man has turned the tables. It’s Kalaisevan from Chennai who has sought 25 Lakhs in alimony from his well-settled wife because he lost all his fortunes due to the false cases she filed on him. Read the news here.

This is path breaker news as it is the first step towards breaking the myth that under all circumstances, ubiquitously and stereotypically men have to shell out aristocratic alimony to their estranged wives irrespective of the man’s sufficient means and the woman’s earning potential. Kalai has taken an exemplary and revolutionary step to show the world how to demand your right as a man.

If many other men start following suit shunning inhibitions of being a male then the movement of men’s rights has no impedance. However, most men do not do it because they are Stolid; whereas even if they have not contributed anything to the marriage, women feel no qualms in demanding a fortune from the man because women are Sordid.

And currently marriage between this set of Stolid Men and Sordid Women has become like a necessary evil for men. Because the current socio-financial structures are so placed that a man without marriage is not considered complete. Young men are thrown into marriage otherwise they are denied a dignified social life unless they are extremely high achievers like Abdul Kalam Azad or Atal Behari Vajpayee.

That means that an ordinary man has to marry and has to bow down before his wife (courtesy Supreme Court judge Markenday Katju) or else face a social death. Most of the banks, financial institutions, and insurance companies force men to make their wives as beneficiaries. This is imposition on men. When the society does not protect and respect the basic rights of a man, it has no right or Locus Standi whatsoever to impose things on a man as well.

Non-funded men’s helplines like the Save Indian Family Foundation and the All India Men’s Welfare Association receive about 10,000 calls a month from distressed men most of whom who contemplate suicidal tendencies.

So in a nutshell, if a man does not marry or remains separated / divorced he faces a social death and in marriage he has no protection and is expected to tolerate a tumultuous marriage or else face legal wrath. All in all, men need to be liberated from this cobweb of imposed responsibilities and constant struggle to survive.

And the only way to this liberation is to close down the institution of marriage and this has to be done by men only. As long as marriage – in its current form – exists there is no respite in sight for men. Choice lies with men.

With Kalai’s bold step of asking alimony from wife for ruining his life, he has molten the tip of the iceberg, with men deciding not to marry the iceberg will melt.