Marriage and female foeticide

“Why are we so unwanted ?“ --- this is one question I keep asking myself whenever I open the newspaper or switch onto a news channel. It's filled with criminal cases and apart from the money embezzlement by the corrupt politicians or other high profile men/women it's mostly crime against women that glows red . Yesterday I was reading how Indian women ( most of them under husband's pressure) are flying to Thailand to ensure they have a baby boy through PGD( pre-implantation genetic dianosos ) .I was wondering even after Saina Nehwal, Indra Nooyi and Kiran Bedis and so many other illustrious women India has produced how could this middle-age like mentality still persist so strongly in our country which is vying for a super-power status. And then I got the answer ........ It all starts with the holy, sacred, revered institution called marriage, then following that train of thought I found most woes of women start with the ‘ har aurat ka khwab’ MARRIAGE . You might feel am kidding ,exaggerating or being insane if so kindly read on . Do you know what’s the main reason behind female foeticide and infanticide in low-economic classes of our society ? It’s something that forms an integral part of marriage in our society – Dowry . Surveys conducted by various NGO s and groups of benevolent doctors in the villages of Punjab which has the poorest sex ratio has revealed that most people prefer a boy child solely because they are afraid they are going to become bankrupt at the time of their daughter’s marriage while if they have a male child they remain at a position of considerable advantage and will be able to extract as much money as they want from the bride’s family at the time of marriage . Few years ago there were posters hanging right in our country’s capital city advertising sex determination tests --- ‘It is better to pay 500 now than 50,000 (in dowry) later’. It would be wrong to think that the evil practice of dowry persists only in rural areas ,among wealthy affluent families it is equally prevalent but in their case they can afford the luxury of paying a huge sum and it’s even considered an opportunity to flaunt your wealth by giving generously to the groom . If any family refuses to pay dowry or is incapable of doing so it’s considered a matter of dishonor for the girl and her family and they have to face considerable humiliation from the rest of the society .Now moving on to some other contributions that this respected institution has in a woman’s life --- have you ever thought what makes families remain reluctant to invest in their girl child’s education while they pamper the male child with the best they can afford --- well it’s marriage again . As is the custom ,after marriage a girl has to leave her family and move in with the man and his family . Parents feel that the girl will not be able to support them in any way during their old age and even if she is earning ,her earnings will be enjoyed by the in-laws , that’s why they think a girl to be a wasteful and unproductive investment , because they will be sowing the corn but it’s another family which will be reaping the fruits . Whereas if they have a male child not only do they get financial security during old age but also a helping hand in the form of a daughter –in-law who will help run the family, do all the daily chores and take care of them . So you can see it for yourself the customs associated with marriage have long ago tilted the scales in favour of the men and women are still suffering from it’s repercussions . When this institution was first conceived and the rules related to it were made each had a valid reason but with changing social demographics and economic freedom of women those reasons have been nullified but they still continue to exist and plague our lives and women have failed to get salvation from this circle of suffering which has been continuing since time immemorial . But it doesn’t end here --- there is another very important aspect of marriage which is largely responsible for the huge craving for a male child in wealthy elite families – the ability to carry the family name forward . Women after marriage along with many other things also have to sacrifice their surnames and take on that of their husbands and how renowned, well-established they might be they have to live the rest of the lives under the shadow of their husband’s identity and become Mrs. So and So. Naturally the families with a prestigious and famous family name don’t want to let it go hence girls remain the unwanted species .Whenever I ask married women what do they feel about having to letting go of their surnames they try to find an excuse in the saying “a rose by any other name smells as sweet “ , well I don’t know about others but I’ld be horrified by the idea of having to part with something I was born with and which forms such an intimate part of me . So Marriage every woman’s dream has unconsciously changed into a nightmare solely responsible for claiming the lives of millions of girls across the world and yet we women with folded hands are being the perfect Indian women ( as described in Ramayana, manusmriti ) --- submissive , docile , vulnerable and bowing down since time immemorial to this exploitation by the unfair and biased laws of marriage . I wonder whether we will ever be able to break away from this unjust and unfair system and be cherished , rejoiced and respected rather than being unwillingly accepted by parents who were hoping,praying,wishing all for a baby boy .