IS Anger Affecting Your Mental and Physical Health ?

“Anger is temporary madness” – Osho.

What makes you angry? Some expectation not being fulfilled, feeling of insecurity and fear or is it because someone has done something against you?

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Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (your employee or senior) or event (a traffic jam, a cancelled flight).

Anger is a response to feelings of unhappiness which in turn arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances beyond our expectations. When we are faced with a situation we do not like or want we become unhappy and angry. Your ego is also responsible for your bouts of anger. If your ego is hurt you may become angry. If you carry the burden of ego through the journey of your life you are likely to get hurt very often and your response will be expressed in anger. Some people get angry more easily and more intensely than others. There are also those who don’t show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are always irritable and grumpy. People who are easily angered have low tolerance; they feel they should not have been subjected to inconvenience or annoying situations. They can’t take things in stride. There could be more causes for such behavior. It may be genetic or physiological. There is evidence that some children are born irritable, lonely and easily angered and that these signs are present from a very early age.

Research also shows that family background plays a major role in shaping temperament of an individual. People who are easily angered come from families that are disorganized, chaotic and not emotionally mature. Anger in modern society is viewed as immature or uncivilized response to frustration, threat, violation or loss. Keeping calm and cool headed is socially more acceptable. However, suppression of anger is extremely harmful. Anger that is “bottled up” can lead to persistent violent thoughts, nightmares or even health problems. Many people who are not able to express their anger will let it out in some sort of furious activity which can cause physical harm to themselves or others or it can result in clinical depression or even bipolar disorder. Viveka Babajee, a supermodel is a recent example of how her anger against her boyfriend turned into frustration and she ended her life leaving a wailing note: ‘Gautam you killed me’.

One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. To “Settle the score” with those whom we perceive have harmed us, we are even prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships and even the wellbeing of our family and children. In a fit of anger, one will forget the kindness he has received from his friends, family, colleagues and he may strike out against them and even kill the ones he hold most dear. In recent times we have seen many examples of killing of spouses or old parents in a fit of rage. It is no wonder that a habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. Anger is particularly destructive in relationships. When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, talents and ways of doing things frequently clash. Since we spend so much of time together we know other person’s shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become critical and short tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day. So to prevent build up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind.

Dealing with Anger

By learning to accept small difficulties and hardships that occur every day in the course of our lives, gradually our capacity for patience and acceptance will increase. By training our mind to look at frustrating situations in a more realistic manner, we can free ourselves from a lot of unnecessary mental suffering.

Three stages of Anger Management:

• Managing anger before it shows

• Managing anger when you are angry

• Managing anger after your anger

Managing anger before it manages you. This involves two steps:

• Understanding the root cause of anger in general and your anger patterns in particular.

• It involves a self structure developed by continuous practice of some releasing techniques such as meditation, relaxation.

Preventive Techniques

• Be aware of your anger patterns

• Develop self confidence

• Accept yourself and your partner as such.

When you accept yourself and your partner’s defects and negatives, you do not have internal conflict.

• Don’t be perfectionist. Inability to accept errors and mistakes of self and others will lead to anger and frustration.

• Avoid looking for the negatives in yourself and others.

What to do when you are angry:

• As soon as you are in control of yourself withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irreparable or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships.

• When you feel you are angry stop doing what you have been doing walk around and sit calmly for a few minutes.

• Breathe deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a few seconds. Then exhale deeply. Repeat a few times.

• Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself.

• Get into the company of someone you love.

• Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.

• Do not swear to yourself or shout like “I will teach you/him/her a lesson.” This will act as a programme and will be stored as negative energy in your mind.

After the anger incident:

Analyzing signs and finding the root cause of your anger, you will find out that it is not worth wasting your energy.

• Repairing and restoring yourself, others and the environment involved in the anger incident.

• Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the person affected by your temper.

• Avoid hurtful arguments.

• Develop the art of listening. Listen to what other person has to say and don’t answer back mindlessly.

• Learn to keep quiet.

There will be many occasions when you will want to respond to comments someone has made, but if you know it will be disastrous, remain quiet and swallow urge to react.

• Become aware of what comments and situations trigger your anger and argumentative behavior.

• Leave when conversation is getting too heated. Walking away may not be the best idea but it is better than letting an argument turn into an ugly fight. Just get up and leave.

Anger is the product of unrealistic mind because it is based on exaggeration; it highlights only bad qualities in a person or situation against which anger is intended. Having understood the nuances of anger, we need to watch our thoughts carefully when it begins to arise.