In A Body Of Conflict...

Starting my day like a commoner I wash my face and rest of my body, wear fresh clothes and walk out of my house in hope of a brighter day. On my way to the inevitable I rub my heavy shoulders with people, people who claim a lot and people who with a slide of hand do good and don’t even let me know about it. Mindlessly I journey for hours, the same train everyday, the same roads, the same place and the same people standing around me.

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Where am I heading, I do not know, why am I heading no one really cares to know, just feels like a mindless body trying to find the heart at places not known. Tiered is my will and bruised my spirit!! Why do I travel, why do I get up each and every morning knowing what’s exactly behind that door. The door that every day opens to a world unknown to my tastes, the world who knows nothing about me, yet keeps me on it. Mindless games and petty concerns too fill the space behind that wall.

A bullet in my skull, a slit on my wrist and a strangle in my throat is all that remains on the shelf of solutions. They keep alluring me; they talk to me, seducing me in to taking that one last plunge in to the time and era that doesn’t mold with every glowing day, that doesn’t see the sinner or the saint, just a black hole sucking in anything and everything that glides past it. No this is not failure and no this is not the easy way out, there are forces at play and decisions to be made, crossing over to the unknown doesn’t happen over night.

We get grinded and churned and crushed and burned every minute of our lives and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed till the life beneath our little toes don’t fade away. Who and what was she thinking, was it just a hobby class she went and learnt how to squirm me in to the big bang of this wretched and continuous cycle we call life. Where is that light when I need it the most.