How to get Hilary Clinton to Quit the Presidential Race

There is now a real fear that the continuing all out mud slug between Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama is going to permanently weaken the chances of the Democrats in November’s presidential election.

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Democratic Party leaders are worried that it puts them in danger of losing an election that they are favored to win by all permutations of today’s reality. Most Democrats who really want to retake the White House are at a loss on how to get Hilary Clinton to quit the race.

Here are my suggestions:

1.) Offer Hilary Clinton a written agreement that will say win or lose, neither Obama nor his Vice President will be a candidate for president in 2012. In 2012, Hilary Clinton will be entitled to the Democratic Party nomination as its sole presidential candidate. Period. No more hanky panky. Not even with the likes of Dennis Kucinich. This will dispel her fear that should she quits in 2008 the next chance she may get to run for president may be 2016 at which time she may just be seen as big grandma. Rightly, she fears that a country that has never elected a woman president will not be eager to elect a grandma president.

2.) Get Obama to promise in a written document that he will send her on a peace mission to Somalia where she will really get the chance to dodge snipers as she arrives at the airport.

3.) Get everyone in the United States to agree never to ask her again about her tax returns for the last four years. She should be free to lock and seal those papers forever with her husband’s presidential pardon papers.

4.) Get everyone in the United State to agree never to ask Chelsea what her mother was doing at their White House residence while Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were at the Oval Office entertaining themselves.

5.) Promise Hilary Clinton that the Democratic Party will campaign against Judas incarnate, Bill Richardson, and make sure he loses his reelection as the governor of New Mexico and get him deported to Old Mexico.

6.) For the next four years, offer Hilary Clinton the position of Ambassador to Bosnia. It will help her to find the actual footage of the sniper fire and not the sanitized one Lucifer incarnates at CBS have been showing.

7.) Get Obama to promise that his first act as president will be to send comedian Sinbad to the death row.

8.) The Democratic controlled Congress must promise to pass a bill deleting any reference of Whitewater from any dictionary in America, including wikipidia.

9.) The Democratic Party must agree on an immediate constitutional amendment that will excise Iowa and South Carolina out of the union for torpedoing the crowning of Hilary Clinton.

10.) Prior to election 2012, President Barack Obama must make Bill Clinton an ambassador to a far away country from where he would not be able to campaign for Hilary. Hilary will prefer a country like Saudi Arabia where women are not allowed to kneel under a man’s table.

Image Credit: Riehlworldview