How Obama Failed the White Man’s Test

All generalizations are wrong, even this one – Alexander Dumas.

Forget about white girls and by extension, white women. Like every generation of white girls before them, they like their black men rough, edgy and if necessarily, ghetto.

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It is the Bill Kristols of this white America that Obama failed.

White men want their black men to be articulate, clean, non-threatening and totally disavowed from anything connected with Africa.

At first, Obama appeared to be all that. When given a podium and a microphone, he crooned like Marvin Gaye meets Martin Luther King Jr. meet Luther Vandross meet Barry White.

When not bowling, he puts on dark suits not picked up from Walmart rack. He appeared immaculate, like a fresh mint model that walked off the pages of GQ.

When nudged about race, he talked about unifying us all in one happy Hakuna Matata family. For him, race was not an issue.

When asked about Africa, he said Africa would have to look inwards and pick itself up. His only affection to Africa was his father who was buried there. The White man could live with that.

That was before the first debate, when white men discovered to their horror that Hilary could spit out figures and sound bits faster than an auctioneer. At subsequent debates, white men saw that Hilary has long nails and is not afraid to dig them into Obama’s flesh. White men finally walked away when they saw Obama leave his back unprotected and Hilary jammed in her two-edged knife, pushed in and twisted anti-clockwise. It reminded White men of what they pass through in the hands of their women. They hated Obama for that reminder.

That was before the picture of him in a Somali tribal attire emerged. Where Obama, a future leader of the free world, stood in front of a Somali peasant, listening to what the elderly man was saying instead of barking orders to him like the future commander of the greatest military in the history of mankind should be doing. How dare he listen to compatriot of those who shut down the great Apache helicopter?

That was before anyone heard what Rev. Jeremiah Wright, his pastor and spiritual adviser, had to say about America- America, the beautiful - America, the holiness -America, the last hope for mankind. How could that ordinary ex-Marine turned Pastor tell America things nobody had dared to say since Martin Luther King Jr. How dare he mention that American guns in American hands kill more people round the world than any other gun in any other hand? What gave him the audacity? Was it because he had killed for America?

That was before liberation theology of Obama’s Trinity Church was linked to Africa - Africa, the hopeless continent - Africa where rogues like Mugabe reign - Africa where African-Americans must never be encouraged to see as home but rather as a dungeon from which the generous white man brought them out. How dare Obama join a church that look up to Africa? What is next? Would they demand reparation for slavery?

For all these atrocities, Obama reminded the white man of the qualities of a good black man he lacked for which he was initially given a pass.

A good black man must have nothing but ex-prep-school friends. No weather man. No truck drivers. No street cleaners. No gangster. He is allowed to hug Oprah but not to jump on her couch.

A good black man must not attend the Million Man March. Not with that devil called Louis Farrakhan. A good black man must abide by the restraining order that says always stay 10 miles away from the likes of Louis Farrakhan, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and other failed leaders of their kind – victimhood advocates.

A good black man must also marry a beautiful white blonde. Not Sojourner Truth wannabe. He needs a blonde who will help pick out his tie every morning. One who knows how to spend his money properly, on bonds and shares and not blings and bongs. He needs a blonde who can host a party without offering guest collard green, seasoned cabbage, pork chop and fried chicken wings. He needs a blonde who may not know the words of the national anthem but surely knows how to say she has been proud of the flag of the United States since the time there were only two states in the union.

A good black man must know what all minorities everywhere know: that “too much insincerity is fatal and too little of it dangerous.” Come on now. That is no brainer.

Obama as it turned out is not a good black man. He has failed the white man’s test and as such, must now be consigned to that lonely dust bin of history where all failed black men rest their bones.

Welcome home, bro.