BEAT RAVI WITH SLIPPERS

BEAT RAVI UP WITH SLIPPERS !!!

It is commonly said that if you stand long enough at Times Square in New York you will see every human being on earth. Such is the attraction of that street. Now I am convinced that India too has a similar claim to fame. If you stand long enough at the Gateway of India you will see every Indian !

BEAT RAVI UP WITH SLIPPERS !!!

Around the time I was collection evidence for this claim I met an eminent educationist at the Gateway .I chatted him up as I was taking my morning constitutional at the Gateway. He told me something interesting about the sad state of higher education in India especially the dubious quality of Ph D’ s . In particular I broke into uncontrollable laughter when he informed me that a certain gentleman from Karnataka –let’s call him Dr.Karnataki-- obtained his Ph. D with a thesis on –hold you breath—‘Style of Kurtas worn by Kannada poets in early 20 th century’ !

I happened to mention this to a scholar in Washington DC who told me that the US was not far behind . Thus he regaled me with the following data

• A guy got a Ph.D from a US based University on the subject –‘Percentage America’. The man had something to say for every percentage point. Thus 1 % of Americans are ultra rich, 2%f Americans own 75% of stocks on the New York exchange, 3 % have been to the Carribean and so on till he reached 100%. He stated that 100 % of Americans had a navel each!! Dr Patrick can be reached by email in case you need to send him a message.

• Another American holds a Ph D for his finding that wherever there are more than 25% Indian origin employees in any American office the toilet will be dirty.

• Swaze, my fried from Arizona, got his Ph.D for his thesis that if any VVIP in the US does not know where a country is on the world map till the US attacks that country, then that VVIP will be the President!

Now what has all this got to do with my contention about the Gateway of India?

I am happy to inform you that very soon you may have to address me as Dr K.R.RAVI. My thesis as almost ready .

I did not idly sit at the Gateway. I actually carried a diary, observed people over 4 years, talked to many of them, video taped them top to bottom and arrived at a finding that:

60% of people in India who are obviously having some money but prefer to walk barefoot are Tamilians !

Let me explain just a little. I am saying that it is but fair that those who are poor will use whatever money they have to eat food. But what about those who are fairly well dressed in sparkling white veshtis and shirts, carry a mobile phone, eat at a Udipi, smoke a cigarette, have spent a few thousands to travel from Tirunelveli to Mumbai and back BUT ARE BEREFOOT ? The women are decently decked in consonance with their culture. No doubt they have not heard of a Sabyasachi but a kanjeevaram is no indication of poverty .The kids may be devouring a modestly priced ice cream but NONE WILL SPORT A SLIPPER! This I believe is a unique feature of Tamilians.

I asked a Tamilian friend of mine who works among the Tamil slum dwellers at Mahim. He told me something very intriguing for some of you but all in day’s work for Tamilians like me. When the Rajnikant starrer ENDHIRAN was to be released he found someone collecting money for the ritualistic milk aarti, saffron, candles, coconuts, etc. A giant 40 feet cutout of the Superstar was to be erected.The total cost was about Rs 4 lakhs. He had no problems at all—money poured in. In fact police had to be brought in to control the crowd of donors! But when my friend requested the very same people to spend a tenner in buying a Hawaii chappal for their own welfare he was booed away. In fact looking at his persistence the crowd almost turned violent. Someone shouted SHERRUPU KAYATI ADI AVANE [Beat him up with your slippers]. Luckily for my friend no one had any slippers to beat him up with—they were all barefoot!

In my thesis I have suggested many reasons for this bizarre behaviour by a community that is otherwise enlightened, law abiding, devout, educated, tolerant, talented etc. But to learn about that you will have to write separately to me.

I am happy that Tamilians have exhibited a hitherto unknown side to their character—several Universities in Tamilnadu have accepted my thesis and have agreed to confer a Ph D on me even though I make unflattering references to them.. The renowned U.S based Poughkeepsie University also have agree to confer a Ph.D.

One Sabha in Chennai have decided to honour me with the title CHAPPAL POTIYA TAMIZHAN .[THE TAMILIAN WHO WEARS A CHAPPAL] with apologies to a Tamil film with a similar name!

I my friend Dr Ramaswamy tells me that at a recent seminar in New Delhi on innovations in delivery of medicare to rural areas someone suggested that a cadre of para medics be developed who would work among the masses .These could be termed ‘barefoot doctors’ was the idea. A large number of Tamil doctors stood up proudly and walked to the stage clad Raymond suits, silk ties and were BAREFOOT.

K.R.RAVI

WWW.KRRAVI.COM