All alone in this world
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It was the first day when my 3 year old daughter went to school. We put her in a nearby higher secondary school for 'Pre-KG'. She was very glad to go to her school. She told everybody in our apartment that she was going to school. She was full of beans. Everything was alright till she was with us. When we left her inside the class and were about to move, she felt very much uneasy and strange. She started crying. The teacher asked us to leave as she could manage her. We left the school. We picked her up from school in the afternoon. The same procedure continued for the first 10 days. Then we slowly started seeing some changes in her. Her teacher was trained in Montessori system of teaching and was able to handle children new to the schooling system. She said that she could find some improvements in our child. After some days, our daughter was no more afraid of her teacher and was in fact comfortable with her. One day, the teacher said that our daughter was able to recollect rhymes taught the previous day while others could not. The other day, she said that our daughter asked her to take them all outside for playing and enacting rhymes.
We were happy with the way our daughter was progressing. With some more progress, the 'Pre-KG’ classes got over. Most of the children had stopped crying. The net result of the 'Pre-KG' classes was that our daughter became attached to her first teacher. At home, our daughter is attached more to my wife than me. If she does not see my wife, she goes in search of her. The 'LKG' classes began, most of the children coming back to school after being at home for nearly 2 months, cried initially. My daughter too was one among them. The only difference between her and all other children in her class is that she still cries when we leave her in, while others almost don't. The positive thing in her now is that she becomes comfortable with her new class teacher. But if she happens to see any of us, while we go to provide her lunch, she cries when we leave her. I thought that our daughter needs some improvement. Co-incidentally, my wife's parents visited us. When they went back, my wife, a 29 year old woman cried. She did the same 4 years back soon after our marriage. This happens every time her parents go back after visiting us. I started thinking that if my wife as a matured woman cannot control her emotions, I cannot expect our 3 year old daughter to do it. Basically they both were same at their levels. They both react in the same way when left alone. They then gradually compose themselves and become normal. Only when they both see their beloved ones depart them their emotions take upper hand.
This realization reminded me of the universal truth about human life. We all came alone to this world and we all leave this world alone. Though we have been brought to this world by our parents and they take care of us till we become self-reliant, it is we who decide our fate. It is we who have to experience whatever joy or sorrow, while others including our parents may and can only assist us. They cannot experience anything on our behalf. Why then do we cry or feel uncomfortable when any of our beloved ones either temporarily or permanently depart us. This emotion is caused when we expect at some corner of our mind that the joy of togetherness should continue. But when the expectation is not satisfied, we let our emotions to do the rest. We are surely not saints to remain undisturbed by this emotion. Being disturbed by an emotion is not the problem. It is human to be emotional. But reacting emotionally all the times is the problem.
The realization that we have a choice on how to react to an emotion will gradually make us think a moment before reacting. This momentary thought can change the way we react to the same emotion. It will be impractical to expect this result, the first time. But through practice, this is possible. My mother lost her father on the day of my marriage. She never let her emotions out, till the next day morning. I understand that she was able to do it because of the practice and experiential learning she got, all the way. Understanding this fact, I don’t expect either my wife or my daughter to change the way they react to their emotions. They will eventually get accustomed to handle their emotions. Till then, I don’t mind them crying for feeling left all alone in this world.
